"Real" Life...

      My "real" life seems more like a Merry-Go-Round than a journey most of the time!  I go around and around, then fall off in the same place again, and must "relearn" lessons I'm certain I should have learned by now.  This was especially true in those early years of mothering!  What a disappointment!  I thought that by the time I reached motherhood, I'd have a few more things figured out!  I had all of these great expectations, and felt constantly disappointed in myself!  Somewhere in my "fairy-tale" world was the perfect mom-- that had perfect children-- and the perfect husband-- (you get the picture).  My first born was as strong-willed as God could have possibly made him.  He reminded me on a daily basis that Cinderella didn't live at our house... And to my dismay, neither did Prince Charming!  Motherhood was a rude awakening to the reality that life was not all about me!
     This new reality, though healthy and more "normal" than I would have liked, left me feeling somehow forgotten... as if the world had gone on without me.  I didn't like the "new" me as well...  I just couldn't seem to hold it all together the way I had done so brilliantly growing up...  I was no longer "pleased" with me.  Certainly the Lord wasn't either!  I had been convinced since I was a little girl that love and acceptance was based upon who I was - how perfect I could be...  I thought that God would love me more if I could do enough good things; be a good mom; teach my children to behave; be a good wife; go to church; pray more; read my Bible....  (I think you know where I'm going with this!)  I even hung around "perfect" people -- even though I had absolutely nothing in common with them!  I thought that maybe they could "rub off" on me somehow.  I was a miserable failure at perfection and that made me... well... miserable!!!

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