The theme of the last two
years of our lives has been waiting. Waiting
for a phone call that announces a second chance for Rachel. In the beginning, I was a vigilant, expectant
waiter! I was in a constant state of
alert and every single time my cell phone rang, my heart skipped a beat and I
leaped toward it, expecting to see the phone number of the Transplant Team and
the news we had been waiting
for! I have found though, that as time
slips by and that phone call doesn’t come, I am less and less expectant, and less
and less sure that it ever will…
But just last Thursday, while
Rachel and I were waiting for our
discharge from the hospital, God’s perfect providence led me to a certain
passage in my daily reading of His Word that stopped me short.
“Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You,“Your face, O Lord, I shall seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me,
Do not turn your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not abandon me
nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation!
…I would have despaired unless I had believed that I
would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for
the Lord.”
A realization from His Spirit
washed over me… I have been WAITING for the wrong thing!!!!
As I look back over my life
and at the lives of the people around me, I am struck by how much time we
actually spend waiting! Ask any pregnant mom or one hoping to become
a mom through adoption, and they will be quick to tell you how long they have
been waiting, and how much waiting remains before they will
realize their dreams through the life of a child. Ask a single girl or guy who is waiting for their perfect match, and
often you will hear desperation in their voices as they continue to wait. Will their waiting ever produce what they long for? Or ask a parent as they sit in the waiting room of a hospital, while their
child undergoes a surgery that could alter the course of their lives or waiting for test results that could do the same. Waiting
can be one of the most difficult things we ever have to do! There are waiting lists for the things we most
want, and we hold our breath as we wait for our name to move to the top of the
list and we see our desires finally fulfilled!
College admission, or a scholarship, or maybe just our favorite new
electronic gadget… life is so often about waiting. Check out the people in tents in sub zero
temperatures and freezing rain- lined up waiting
for entrance into the electronic store or the mall the night before a big sale
or the release of the greatest, latest new pleasure. Those “waiters” are announcing to the world
that the object of their waiting is
most important to them and they will not be denied!
I’ve decided that the things
we are willing to wait for reveal a lot about who we are and what is important
to us. Think with me about the things
that you are currently waiting
for… I’m betting those things are top
priority to you, or you probably wouldn’t think them important enough for waiting! But
if those things never come, will your hopes be dashed? Have you waited in vain? What if that miracle never comes, or a broken
relationship is not restored, or your child never returns… what then? Is God too weak? Has He failed? Or are you just waiting for the wrong things?
I’m certain that no one would
fault me for my weariness in waiting
for a new heart for Rachel. This waiting holds life or death for my child. And still, I could hear God whisper to me
from the pages of His Word… “You are waiting for the wrong thing,
Lori... Wait for ME instead.”
It occurred to me suddenly
that nowhere in Scripture are we commanded to wait for anything apart from waiting for the Lord Himself! This realization caused me to dig deeper and
I scoured His Word for confirmation of this Truth…
Psalm 130
“I wait for the
Lord, my soul does wait,
And in His word do I hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning.
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
Oh Israel, hope
in the Lord;
For with the Lord there is loving kindness. And with Him is abundant redemption.
And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.
Ahhh! I see it now!
Our HOPE is found in waiting
for the Lord! Waiting for His loving kindness and His abundant redemption… It is only here that we find HOPE! Hope is found in the Lord alone! The HOPE in Rachel’s middle name and in the
name of her website was never based upon the hope of a long life through a new
heart…. Never!
Hope for Rachel has already come!!!! Her hope is not
set on a new heart or even another miracle of healing or more time in her
earthly body- but on something so much greater!
So is mine!
We do not have to wait for
the HOPE we possess in the person of Jesus Christ or the adoption into God’s
family, purchased by Him on the cross!
And because Jesus conquered death and rose again, we too will live
beyond the grave and enjoy an eternity together with Him and with each
other. We are only waiting to cross the threshold between here and eternity and the
realization of the many promises that await us there! This waiting
calls for great expectation… not dread!
So then~ what are we to be waiting for in our “waiting for the Lord”, if not the
realization of His beautiful promises and His very presence in our lives? To wait is to “expect”… knowing that our HOPE
is placed in something that will never fail!
Does this mean that we are
never to pray for the things we long for, or that it is sinful to find
ourselves waiting for the
realization of our dreams? Absolutely
NO! God cares about even the smallest
desires of our hearts, and part of our intimate relationship is talking with
Him about those things that are important to us- both big and small!
But the bottom line is this…
Every single longing we bring before Him is to be rooted in a deep desire that
He be glorified above all! If that is
not the case… than all our waiting
is in vain and our lives will lack the purpose He has designed them to
have! Jesus showed us how, while in the
garden facing His own immanent death. He
prayed that God would somehow spare Him of the horrifying experience that lay
ahead. But He didn’t end there, nor
should we! Instead, He cried out “Not
my will, Father... but Yours be done!”
Then He surrendered His life and gave it to redeem ours.
This realization changes the
way I will choose to wait and it changes my prayers as I continue waiting too...
“Lord- come near!
I am waiting for YOU… only YOU! Whether
you come with a new heart in your hand or to take Rachel’s hand to lead her
home… I will wait expectantly, knowing that whatever your plan is, it is good
and wrapped in your loving kindness and mercy!
I wait for YOU, knowing that You will provide every single ounce of
grace I need to glorify your name in the midst of these circumstances. In my waiting, grow within me an abiding
trust in who You are. Let contentment
fill my heart in knowing that your providence is perfect and not a single hair
will fall from my head, or a tear from my eye, without your notice. How I long to love you in the waiting, Lord. Waiting
here for You!”
