Sonia and I have been through a LOT together. We've walked through life and death situations with our heart kiddos side by side and have prided ourselves in our uncanny ability to find laughter in the midst of it all. Never have we failed to howl our way through the most difficult circumstances we've found ourselves in. Yes- we have cried too, (in case you're worried!) but we are best known around the hospital for our laughter. It's our hilarious coping mechanism, I guess, and until that day in the adoption medical clinic, Sonia and I had an unspoken understanding of one another.
But in that single moment it all crumbled! Sonia stood opposite me and clicked photos in a state of what must have been unbelief! I was crying over a TB blood draw!!!! I'm guessing that my unpredictable tears probably appeared only half as foolish as I felt, when I realized the camera was capturing this embarassing moment for all time! Worst of all, I knew that my photographer would hardly let those tears dry before she responded in her most typical fashion and laughed hysterically over my upsurdity! She did not disappoint!
I haven't heard the end of it from Sonia, of course, and I have to admit that I, too, find myself hysterical each time I remember the events of that day. But I feel that in defense of my behavior, I should explain...
I am a typical adopting Mama and a relentless dreamer. That combination can create some pretty unrealistic expectations for the first few weeks together after Gotcha Day. I have had my own share of disappointments in this area, so I dedicated many, many hours of prayer regarding this matter of my heart. I wanted to love simply and selflessly, as Christ would. I wanted a heart that loves for the good of another, instead of the rewards for self. This does not come naturally for me, so I begged God to do a super-natural work in my heart and give me a sweet affection for Rebekah that I could not produce on my own.
The unexpected tears that flowed from a tender heart, for a little girl I hardly knew, were proof of God's sweet answer to my prayers. I was keenly aware of the work He had done in my heart from the moment I met Rebekah, that flowed into those first hours and then days together. I knew that while my emotions are unpredictable and flaky, the instant affection and tenderness I felt for her were a gift from the Lord. I will always treasure the wonder I felt as I witnessed His super natural love flowing through me onto this broken child.
The tears that Rebekah shed at the medical clinic were the first I had seen, but were the beginning of a time of deep grieving for her. For several days, Rebekah's smile disappeared and the pain of all she had lost bubbled to the top. She would hold it in as long as she could and then the tears would flow from her broken heart in the saddest sobs you've ever heard. I felt helpless. There was simply nothing I could do to lessen her pain or shoulder her losses...
|She even bled in the shape of a heart that day!|
And in one of the sweetest answers to prayer I have ever known, I cried too...
I love your heart and thankful for those tears. I think we all need one good cry while in China. XoReplyDelete
Those are supposed to be a bunch of hearts! Sorry they were such a "miss".ReplyDelete