...can change EVERYTHING!
The
events of the past week have been amazing- miraculous- unexpected. After three years and two months of waiting,
I had all but given up believing the call that a heart had been found for
Rachel would ever come… ever. The hyper-vigilant
state I had begun with right after Rachel was listed for a transplant did not
last long. I realized quickly that it is
not possible to stay in such a vigilant state long term! I’m embarrassed to admit that I had become so
un-expectant that I had even unpacked my hospital bags. If the call suddenly came, I’d throw things
back together, but the constant reminder of unmet hopes and dreams those packed
bags represented were finally put away.
After over 1,000 days on the waiting list, I wasn’t even counting
anymore!
The
most difficult thing about waiting is that most of the time it does not include
the knowledge of when it will end. A
waiting mom has a good idea when her baby will finally be born, of course, and
this serves to help her hang on when the days get long, but other times of
waiting hold no such promise. Rachel’s
wait for a new heart included no promises of a happy ending. This alone made the wait especially hard. Would we wait in vain for a new lease on life
or would all the waiting finally pay off with the realization of everything we
hoped for our little girl?
There have been times in my life when the
object of my waiting appeared so far out of reach, it seemed as if it would
never come! In those times I needed to
remind myself that in a single moment, at God’s appointed time, my wait would
suddenly end and what appeared endless would slip from my memory as it faded
into the past. In fact, the truth is
that the most profound moments of our lives are usually ushered in with little
warning and those moments actually change everything! But we would do well to remember that this
is also true of our most prized treasures.
In a single moment, those too can slip away!
I've learned over the past several years
that since those moments of life altering change come so quickly and sometimes
unexpectedly- we need to heed the words of Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom." God calls us to live for the moments of today and then trust
Him with the moments to come that He has secretly ordained for us. Some
of those moments bring inexpressible joy; and some heart-breaking grief.
I am grateful that we can rest confidently in His sovereign hands -
knowing that He is wise and will withhold no good thing from us. I
especially need to cling to His truths on days like this one, when life-changing
moments overwhelm me!
On May 5, another mother, whom I have not
yet met, had one of those moments that would change everything about her life
and mine… One moment her child was alive and thriving
and then suddenly, in a split second, that child was gone. Her choice to
give life away in her loss meant that at 2:34 PM, the moment that would change
the course of our little girl’s life would finally arrive!
The phone call that we had waited for exactly
1,153 days would actually come in the form of a FaceTime call from our
transplant coordinator and our beloved Cardiologist. I couldn't imagine
why she would be calling via FaceTime and the thought didn't even occur to me
that our happy news had actually arrived!
I joked around in my usual way and told
her I was too busy to chat!!! I had five little girls about to get off
the bus and my day of real work was about to kick into full swing! With
Doug in India- this was serious business and I had my hands full with so many
needs! I was quick to assure them that I
was a woman on the edge!!!!
They didn't seem interested in how I was
or wasn't coping with all of the new changes in my life and suggested that
maybe I needed to pack a bag and drive to Gainesville that very afternoon!
Huh?? I didn't have time to come to Gainesville!!! Had they
completely missed my rant only a few moments earlier?
This very
moment was the one I had waited for and dreamed about for so long, and yet
I don't even remember what was said! Something about an
"offer" for Rachel and "how quickly can you get here?"
My heart understood before my head did and it momentarily stopped beating
and dropped into the pit of my stomach! Was I hearing what I thought I
was hearing? A heart for Rachel??? Now???
My mind started reeling with all that
needed to be done in the moments ahead if this was truly what I had been hoping
for! I had unpacked long ago! My husband was on the other side of
the world and Rebekah was so new! How would we pull this off? But
of course we would!!!! I had a lot to do and very little time to do it!
I was to get off the phone and pull
things together in order to get to the hospital two hours away as quickly as
possible! I was frantic to get off the phone and somehow reach Doug in
India, where I knew he was sleeping, before Rachel climbed off the bus to hear
the news herself!!!
Doug didn't answer his phone!!!
Maybe the FaceTime ring would awaken him... Ahhh, yes!!!! I could
hardly wait while it connected! The room where he was sleeping was
completely dark, but I could hear his groggy voice as he answered, obviously
alarmed and not knowing what to expect from this middle of the night call!!!
I couldn't hold back the tears of joy
that flowed from an announcement I had wanted to make for three years and two
months!!! "Doug!!!!! They have a heart for Rachel!!!!
They have a heart!!!!" We literally sobbed together through a
dark phone screen! It was one of the happiest phone calls I ever remember
placing!!!! And in that moment, Doug's trip was redirected and he would
somehow find a way home to be a part of the long awaited answer to so many
prayers on behalf of his precious girl!
He asked if Rachel knew yet... She
didn't, but her bus was to arrive from school only moments later! I wondered if
it might help him feel closer to home if he could have the honor of telling
Rachel the news! He cried at the thought!
We were ready and waiting on the family
room coach connected to Daddy in a quiet hotel room on the border of India and
Nepal when Rachel walked in the door from the school bus... She came running in and headed straight for
the bathroom! Clearly she had no clue that the moment that would suddenly
change the course of her life had arrived!
I hurried her to the front of the screen
where Daddy was waiting. "Daddy wants to talk to you Rachel!
Come here!" I was surprised at how Doug held it together for
the announcement! But that ended as soon as the words escaped his
mouth... "They have a heart for you, Baby!!! You're getting a new
heart!!!!"
Rachel looked as stunned as I was... I
think the long wait had taught her to not expect this moment anymore and she
actually thought that her Daddy was joking! When she realized that he was
not- she buried her head into my chest as she tried to grasp the way this
moment had suddenly changed everything for her!
I was in the car and headed to
Gainesville within an hour and would arrive at 6 PM to begin the process we had
only dreamed about for so long!!! It seemed as if the whole Congenital
Heart Center at Shands had already begun to celebrate!!! The moment we
had all waited for had finally arrived!
One moment we thought we would lose our
waiting daughter- the next moment brought word that maybe, just maybe, there
was HOPE for many more tomorrow's with her instead!
Wow! So thankful for a new heart for her, and praying for the family of the donor.
ReplyDeleteAmazing and beautiful! Thank you for sharing this special moment with us!
ReplyDeleteJust now checked your blog for updates! Celebrating with you! We have been praying every night for a new heart for Rachel. We have 2 China treasures, one who had heart surgery 21/2 years ago. I told her tonight that the little girl Rachel got her new heart, she was excited. She says "Can we go see her?" Oh how I wish. We will continue to pray for complete healing. God Bless you all.
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