tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6591858146341069325.post2232334968073867393..comments2023-10-17T03:36:52.622-07:00Comments on Now to Him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY MORE...: I LOVE HER... I LOVE HER NOTLorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07775784556793585928noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6591858146341069325.post-46976979688768351492015-03-03T10:52:13.096-08:002015-03-03T10:52:13.096-08:00Amen! Ditto Melissa - this should be required rea...Amen! Ditto Melissa - this should be required reading for any adoptive parent. Knowing this scenario would not have stopped me from adopting my daughter. However it would have helped me spend less time wallowing in the guilt of being head over heels in love with my son and at the same time feeling like nothing more than a custodial guardian of my daughter. Behavior wise my daughter is pretty much perfect in every way - my son...typical messy, noisy, mischevious, push my buttons little boy. She is wayyy easier to parent than my son from that perspective. So that even more made me feel like a big piece of crap for not being able to congure up authentic affection and adoration for her. I felt like she was being completely short-changed by having a mother that was merely choosing to show her affection and encouragement and not having a mother that involuntarily gushed love and affection for her uncontrollable...kind of like i feel with my bio son. He is like a drug to me (as far as "Feelings" go) and I miss him the minute I leave him. If I am being honest I have never missed her while away - and that is in no way linked to her behavior or personality. She is magical, creative, loving, generous, a wonderful sister...she should be missed!!! And that makes me feel like crap on the inside. She deserves to be missed. When we decided to adopt her it was a clear direction from God to our family. We were not even considering adoption and when she was put in front of us - it was almost too clear. My past experience and her SN - it was just a very clear answer to a "why God?" that I had been asking for many many years. Well he answered - and he doesn't mince words...at least not with me. She needed a family right then and there - and it was us - done deal. If I personally was doing the "picking" out of my own desire, I would have chosen a little boy over a girl a thousand times over. I am just that kind of mamma....I get boy stuff, the girl stuff is not my gig, it is a forced effort, but frogs, boogers, poop, farts, and muddy baseball cleats - no problem! Give me a herd of boys all day long! She was a God thing for our family - not a "we are going to pick out a kid - that one is cute - lets pick her" kind of thing. She has a purpose and God entrusted us to care for her and give her everything she needs to fulfill that purpose. Understanding and re-convincing myself on a weekly basis that Love is a Choice and an Action helps me get through the guilt. But I still have days when I feel like she deserves better. However, she IS missed when she is away...my son is miserable when she is gone from him for very long. Their bond is unbelievable! They play together and share with each other and take each other into consideration every moment...so on days when I am having a hard time I choose to look at all my pictures of them together or go eaves drop on them while they play together and listen to their hysterical conversations - I realized that I need to let go of thinking I "as THE mom" needed to be the end-all be-all when it comes to her source of love and affection. Her brother definitely gives that and gets it back in a very real and authentic way all day every day. There are many things that she needs from this mamma...and she gets them and always will but God is really good at his job...he makes sure that her cup runneth over, even if I am not the one doing all of the filling of the cup. taralee815https://www.blogger.com/profile/02377771814373909150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6591858146341069325.post-77653970201815547462015-02-28T10:52:37.457-08:002015-02-28T10:52:37.457-08:00Thank you Lori! What a blessing and realization t...Thank you Lori! What a blessing and realization that my continual, selfless actions are "love". Again, thank you! Blessings on your upcoming journey.Shaunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15167389304713775796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6591858146341069325.post-16396161836773973332015-02-28T05:26:38.340-08:002015-02-28T05:26:38.340-08:00Amen and Amen, Lori! So well written. Should be ...Amen and Amen, Lori! So well written. Should be required reading for all parents. Thank you and prayers for you and yours!Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06724010689751530607noreply@blogger.com