|She may be waiting- but she's not waiting to live!|
Today, as I brought my waiting to God, I had a brief moment of absolute clarity. It was as if I could practically hear him whisper to my weary, waiting soul... "Waiting is a gift, Lori!" Call me slow, but in the midst of the three longest years I have ever spent waiting, this thought has never occurred to me! I like it when God answers with a "Yes". And while I admit that I don't like to hear a "No" from Him, at least I can shut the door on my denied requests and move on. But it seems these days that God's answers are stuck on repeat... "WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" and to be quite honest- that waiting feels far from any gift I've ever desired before! But if I heard correctly today and waiting is indeed a gift, then my proverbial Christmas tree is stacked high with gifts all chosen specifically for me!
|Turning 50 years old! 31 spent with the love of my life!|
I found that Rebekah's adoption served as a sweet distraction from all the waiting... and I was most happy about that! Happy, that is, until the wait for our approval from China passed it's expected due date in late October or early November! In a few days February will arrive and STILL the approval we have been waiting for has NOT! This same approval came on day 28 for Abby's adoption. As I write, we have been waiting for 170 days and the approval is nowhere in sight with no earthly explanation beyond an "uploading error"; a "misspelled name"; or a "maybe you should just concentrate on the children you have.." from the people in charge of getting it done on the other side of the world! On a spiritual level, this wait seems harder to explain than all the others... I am struggling to understand what could possibly be "good" about a little girl turning six years old, waiting in an orphanage on the other side of the world for her family to come. I am forced to cling to God's promises when I don't understand. Today He tenderly reminded me as my daily Bible reading led me to Psalm 84- "No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Oh Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!"
|Rebekah turned SIX on January 24!|
|This angel was definately worth the wait!|
I have found, too, that often waiting can be a time for healing. Life is put on "hold" in many ways and I must push aside things that once seemed important to make room for God's perfect timing. I'm not used to thinking this way at all and I honestly don't like it! The lessons of waiting have been forced upon me or I might not have ever chosen them at all. Plans? Who has plans? You can't make plans when you're waiting! I might be in China... or in Gainesville for Rachel's new heart... or at home while she recovers... or maybe recovering myself from inconceivable loss. I have no plans, because everything depends on the outcome of my waiting! I am forced to forego many things in order to be ready when God moves. This time gives me an opportunity to grow deeper and stronger for what lies ahead. I would rarely do so if not forced upon me!
|Saying "Goodnight" and "Goodbye" as only Abby can!|
To the degree that waiting causes me to turn to the Lord and deepens my dependance on Him- that wait becomes a beautiful gift!
In the past I believed that waiting equalled inactivity. "Wait upon the Lord" meant to stay in one place until He said otherwise. Certainly it didn't call me to "do" anything! But God's purposes for my waiting are far greater! There is actually much to do in my waiting! I've decided that the greatest tragedy of all would be to waste this opportunity and then never find delight in the long awaited gifts He has prepared for me when this season is finally through!
Still, there are days when I think I just can't do this waiting thing anymore. I want to cry and often do! I want the ability to control my world somehow. I want to pick waiting up by the shoulders and shake it! Enough already!!!! My tendency is to rush in and seize the prize... "Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!"... Push my way to the front of the line! But when I do that, I stunt the growth that can happen in the waiting that will likely not happen anywhere else! If I take matters into my own hands and force God to move in my time, I will miss it!!!!
Instead, God invites me to come away; to spend my time with Him; to discover His heart and the treasure of knowing Him above everything else! When I do- I DISCOVER THAT THE GIFT IS IN THE WAITING~ NOT IN WHAT I AM WAITING FOR!!!!!
(Now that we have that settled... excuse me while I go have myself a really good cry! I don't think I can wait another second to get this precious baby in my arms!)